Comment Archive:

Friday 18th February 2005

Kyoto Chaos

tosser pic It will have come as a surprise to absolutely nobody that America has refused to join the Kyoto Protocol. The Bush administration might be zealous in their efforts to locate and scrutinize possible terrorist threats from all over the globe but when it comes to other more insidious non-defence issues their observational skills do not extend much beyond their own state borders. It is strange to think that for most Americans other countries of the world do not exist until an Arab with a bazooka suddenly leaps up within the middle of it and fires of a few rounds of ex US Army explosives in the vague direction of the corpulent United States economy. Strange and terrifying. But when it comes to other just as lethal threats of an ecological nature suddenly America sees itself as somehow separate and sovereign from the rest of the planet. Almost in fact as is they see themselves as an entirely separate planet with their own separate atmosphere, ecology and future.

Now there’s a scary thought: Planet America. And George W as some sort of Emperor Ming character. Who the hell would be Flash Gordon? Certainly not Tony Blair and certainly not Bono. Nominations on a postcard please to the usual address...

Now a scary fact is that America sees itself as some sort of global police force with a manifest destiny to take control of the reigns of the world and ride us all like the steaming hot, whinnying mare-bitches we are straight down to the depths of hell. Or at least to ride us to complete exhaustion in some sort of cheesy rodeo while Dolly Parton blocks out the light of the sun with her amazingly large vocal chords. What is scary about this – aside from America’s complete ineptitude to ride anything anywhere and get it there in one piece – is, as stated above, America’s totally blinkered perception of the world. How can America safeguard the freedom and security of the world when it doesn’t even really know where the world is?

Doh!

global warming picture ”We’re here, George – beneath this huge impenetrable cloud of greenhouse gases and toxins that is slowly broiling us all alive!” Now that isn’t me shouting – that’s my kid about 30 years from now calling to George W III or IV and America as a nation to do their part to save the planet from destruction. You notice I say do their part not do it all? Because George we’re all in this together. We are and always have been just one planet. And basically the mess we’re in is the fault of all of us. I’m not even blaming the whole thing on the US. But, George, your country IS the major contributor to the problem. That’s a sobering fact for you to chew over GW as you drive your fat car around the smog of Texas whilst singing along to Dolly P’s greatest hits collection and trying to breath in the free air.

Don’t get me wrong – some of America’s objections are valid. Personally I also think that China and India shouldn’t be exempt from the agreement and the same goes for other rapidly developing countries. What is the point of the rest of us cleaning up our acts if in 10 years time other countries are producing the same amount of pollutants as America is producing now? There will be no change in the status quo. Obviously these countries need help and incentives to move towards cleaner economies and this is where the advanced technology of the West could be put to much better use than by selling them our old arms stockpiles. Helping developing countries avoid the mistakes we have made will benefit them and ultimately all of us in the future.

desert picture Ultimately though my biggest beef with America is its main objection to the Kyoto Protocol: its view that adhering to the Protocol would damage the US economy / car industry. Oh for shame. Our children’s children will be trying to farm deserts or glaciers but as long as the American car industry can keep churning out its ugly fuel guzzling metal monsters all will be well with the world. Or rather all will be will with America.

tornado picture Or will it? You see America you’re not a separate planet. You breathe the same air that the rest of us breathe and you’re heated by the same sun. The deserts and glaciers are coming for you too. They might not be flying passenger planes like Arab terrorists but they’re coming nonetheless. Slowly and inexorably. And it won’t be force of arms or mock-grand political rhetoric that will stop them.

For the last year or more we’ve heard much about George W’s hunt for weapons of mass destruction. Yeah, that old chestnut. But you know what, George – they do exist. They’re right under your very nose. You want to find weapons of mass destruction? Take a long hard look at your car industry. Take a look at your economical despotism. Take a look at your obtuse arrogance and selfishly short term political aims...

They’re murdering the planet.

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Friday 4th February 2005

Eighties Revival

I’ve just spent a pleasant hour reminiscing to the NME Chart Show on cable. It’s amazing how music can take you back so evocatively in time – especially when it’s the music that you grew up with, the music of your formative years. The soundtrack to your teenage journey through life when all of your feelings were fresh and new to you and therefore were fresh and new to the whole Universe. No one before you had felt quite like this or had ever gone through what you were going through. The hell of puberty. The agony or that first unrequited love. The joy of being able to cut loose and twat about with your mates – to still be able to play and not feel consumed with excruciating self-consciousness or some straitjacketing notion of self-respect and cool. The ecstasy of that first ever kiss so long waited for… the first drag on a cigarette [and your last if you weren’t quite hard enough], the first swig of alcohol…

Ah those were the days.

But while the days certainly were the music I was listening to tonight certainly wasn’t. It was all contemporary stuff – newly released. Up and coming bands. Brand spanking, copyright 2005, shiny and new, CD smooth and digitally polished music made for mp3 friendly jukeboxes the world over.

We’re in a permanent time warp folks. There’s a lot of truth in the saying “there’s nothing new under the sun”. Fashion and taste – maybe morals even – are elliptical, cyclical and spherical. We’re continually locked into a loop of reinvention. If you missed it the first time don’t worry – just wait and it will all come round again. Great for those of us who were too young for Woodstock, Motown or the Charleston… not so great for those of us who were grateful to have missed Mud and Shawaddywaddy and were just breathing a sigh of relief at our lucky escapes.

But hey – personally I loved the music of the eighties as a rule. And I still love the eighties sound. This isn’t a complaint at all. I’m perfectly happy to see new bands like Doves, Kaiser Chiefs and The Futureheads doffing their musical caps to the bands and influences that jolted my primordial brain and opinions out of the sloth of their own soup back in the early eighties. Check them out: Doves are pure XTC circa “Making Plans For Nigel” / “Black Sea”, while their video for "Black And White Town" attempts to capture some of the post seventies suburban angst that The Clash so effortlessly personified. The Futureheads meanwhile are covering Kate Bush’s “Hounds Of Love”! Enough said.

But being around in the eighties the first time round I can see that there’s always a shortfall and a slight miss-hit in this new eighties music. Fashions might cycle every twenty years or so but history is on a much shallower curve… the political atmosphere that gave rise to the eighties’ I’m all right so screw you attitude – the recession of the seventies – is missing. Youth is a different breed of animal now. Less fresh faced. Cynical on a different level. Fragmented. Schizophrenic en masse. There’s a pick and mix brutality in the blood that is applied to morals, spirituality and the social conscience. Everyone might not be out for themselves [thank God] but there seems to be a separation and aggressive individuality in terms of experience. Suddenly the teenagers of this new century are accurate in their assumptions that no one is feeling what they’re feeling – because no one is feeling what anyone else feels anymore! Sure we can all broadly support peace manifestoes and moves to halt global warming, we can all feel sympathy for the victims of the tsunami – but how many people do you truly, deeply connect with these days? On a personal level? Aren’t we all obsessed with ourselves specifically rather than ourselves as a race?

The internet, the popularity of plastic surgery, the swathe of fly-on-the-wall documentaries that swamp our TV screens… it’s all evidence of a mass introspection. The Clash and Killing Joke et al might have kept paranoid eyes on the activities of the then Government but these days we’re far too busy watching people like ourselves slagging each other off in a fake TV world to care much what Tony Blair and his gnomes get up to. No unions, no banners, no marches, no protests… not like we as a nation used to produce anyway.

Or maybe I’m wrong? Maybe I’m just guilty of bigging up the eighties with the proverbial rose tinted binoculars? I mean I was only a teenager at the time – how much did I really see and understand? What was the depth of my experience beyond excitement at buying the new album by The Jam? Maybe we have always been this way?

Anyway this just started off as an observation that music these days is starting to sound like the pop of twenty years ago… and was meant to segue into the shock news that leg warmers are actually back in fashion. Again. I’ve seen them! Big furry leg warmers worn with pumps! The kids from Fame are on their way back for a second time…! What is the world coming to?

At the moment it’s evidently coming to the eighties.

Word up. White socks and drainpipes. One step beyond. Come on Eileen. I have to push, I have to struggle. God Save The Queen.

Maybe it will be even better second time around?

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